Monday Movie Quote #14

Happy Halloween everyone! Time to poison the candy and put the razor blades in the apples! Just kidding...I kid because I love. Here's your Halloween quote...

"If you dress like Halloween, ghouls will try to get in your pants."

Last week: Rocky..."Yo, Adrian!"

Happy Halloween!

In honor of the holiday (I guess it's a holiday even though I don't get the day off from work), here's a funny little diddy I found.

Top 10 Halloween Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't

10. She's a goblin!
9. I'd like to get a little something in the sack.
8. Let me see your bag...Oh, you're having a great night!
7. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.
6. She's got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch.
5. If you just lick it, it'll last longer.
4. Show me your JuJuBees and I'll show you my Zagnuts.
3. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth.
2. You scared me stiff!
1. He's got Candy spread out on the living room floor!

Let me know if you can think of any others. I'm gonna go have a Kit Kat.

Monday Movie Quote #13

I don't know what made me take a quote from this movie, but it is a classic.

"You're gonna eat lightning and you're gonna crap thunder!"

Last week: Full Metal Jacket..."The dead know only one thing: it's better to be alive."

Race? Yes. Amazing? Not Quite.

As far as reality shows go, the best one out there is The Amazing Race. It's true competition, not simply a popularity contest on an island. The show annually wins the Emmy award for best reality show. So why did they mess with a good thing for this season?

This season is The Amazing Race: Family Edition...and it stinks. Instead of teams of 2, they have family teams of 4. Sure, a major part of the show is conflict and how they deal with it, but with teams of 4 all they end up doing is yelling over each other. Teams of 2 talk out their differences and come to a remedy...teams of 4 just end up yelling louder.

Problem 2: They aren't going anywhere! The original sent the teams all over the globe. They rode elephants in India, served beer in Germany, and navigated the canals of Venice. The families so far have been sent to places like Huntsville, AL and Lancaster, PA. Sorry, but visiting exotic New Jersey just doesn't compare to the globe trotting that has been done in seasons past.

OK, there has been one good (and really funny) thing about this season so far. Of the 10 teams taking part, there was only one black family. And their name? The Black family. I kid you not. Now, I'm not the least bit racist, but this did lead to some great sound bites. Just imagine..."The Black family is right behind us...We have to beat the Black family...Black family, you're the last team to arrive." They got eliminated at the end of the first episode, so there goes that fun. At least there are still some good looking women (Bransen daughters and Megan, the sister) to look at.

Here's hoping they go back to the original format for next season. I gotta go fill out my application.

Monday Movie Quote #12

Last weekend I was down on the beach in RI doing some fishing with a bunch of guys and we were constantly quoting this movie. Helluva movie too...

"It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress."

Last week: Old School..."You're my boy Blue!"

Putting the "Party" in Party Boat

Those crazy Minnesota Vikings. They may not know how to score on the field, but they sure know how to score off of it...allegedly.

Some of the Vikings players are said to have chartered a couple of boats for a little sight-seeing trip out on Lake Minnetonka. However the sights that they were seeing weren't of nature, but of the strippers that were bobbing their heads up and down in the player's laps. That's right folks...sex party at sea! Of course, the players are denying it, no one saw anything, and no one even knows who payed for the boat.

Now everyone's in an uproar. I'm wondering if people are really pissed off at these guys for what they did or if they're just jealous that they weren't on the boat too. Like they were the first to have a "bon voyage", and I'm sure they won't be the last.

Coming soon on HBO...Real Sex 133: The Minnesota Vikings Carnal Cruise.

Monday Movie Quote #11

Happy Columbus Day everyone! Hey, it's a day off, so it's a happy day for me at least. And in tribute to Columbus...

"Well, Columbus wasn't looking for America, my man, but that turned out to be pretty okay for everyone."

Last week's movie: Cape Fear. "Counselor...come out come out wherever you are!"

Spam, Spam, Spam

Yeah, it's a cheap way to advertise. You can reach millions of potential customers very easily. But has anyone ever gotten an e-mail about penis enlargement, mortgages, or anything else and thought "Gee, I should really check this out!"?

And now they're spamming blogs? What the hell's the point?

Obviously, someone's buying into it or they'd stop doing it. So I make a plea to everyone out there in cyber-land...don't pay any attention to them and maybe they'll go away.

The Curse is Alive and Well

OK, I'm going to make this quick. Yeah, after the Red Sox won the whole thing last year, you'd think that another poor playoff performance wouldn't bother me so much. Well guess again.

Did you see last night's game? The ball going through Tony Graffinino's legs? Did anyone else have 1986 flashbacks?

Last night's game had curse written all over it. Quick 4 run lead gives everyone a sense of security. Then, Graffinino pulls the Buckner. Next thing you know..."ding"...3 run homer gives the "Bad" Sox the lead.

Everyone said the curse was dead. I say Ted Williams was able to distract the Babe with hookers and beer only long enough for one World Series championship. One in 86 years was good, but enough to kill a curse...maybe not.

Monday Movie Quote #10

I stumbled across this quote just a couple of days ago...

"Granddaddy used to handle snakes in church. Granny drank strychnine. I guess you could say I had a leg up, genetically speaking."

Last week's quote: Back to the Future. "Hello...McFly!"